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An independent report by the Australian Independent Sandwiches Commission (AISC) has been confirmed that if it goes in a tin, it goes in a jaffle.
A toasted cheese sandwich, or jaffle when made in a custom built jaffle press, is a much-loved after school snack and a clear sign that your co-worker is really not in the mood to chat today.
Since the invention of tinned food in 1809, it has been widely acknowledged that tinned foods like baked beans and spaghetti are so at home in a cheese toastie that they never bother taking their shoes off once inside.
But the AISC has taken the belief in tinned food even further and confirmed that if it goes in a tin it goes in a jaffle.
“Seriously guys, tuna goes on a toastie, Americans do it all the time!” stated AISC research scientist Dr Samantha Gerkin during an interview on Network 10’s The Project.
“Tinned chicken, chickpeas, caviar; everything from a tin goes on a jaffle guys I’m telling you. Especially after you’ve had a cheeky cone or two.”
Dr Gerkin then spent the next several minutes feilding suggestions from Peter Helliar.
“Dolmades? Sure! With a bit of haloumi in there, why the fuck not?”
“Coconut cream? Add some chilli and pineapple for a tropical taste of island life jaffles!”
“SPAM? Of course SPAM goes on a toastie Peter you idiot! Is this your first day?”
In recent years, AISC has been labelled a toothless tiger by individuals who believe the commission should take a firm stance on the proper name for a piece of bread folded to contain a sausage, onions, and sauce.
“This interview is over.”
MORE TO COME.