EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
As he feels the unmistakable feeling of soggy lettuce and mayo ooze trickle his fingers, local bloke Benny Burchard  lets out a small sigh.
The bottom part of his burger has somehow magically been demolished at an exceedingly faster rate than the top bun – and he was really trying to take some balanced bites this time too.
But yet again, he finds himself grasping onto a pathetic 50 cent sized piece of bread with his thumb, as half of the burgers toppings fall into the deepest crevices of the tin foil.
A conundrum that usually results in him giving up and eating the bottom piece of bread like a little duck boy, and gripping the meat patty instead.
“This happens every fucking time”, says a confused Benny, “even when I’m making sure to give the top part some extra love.”
Weirdly, when Benny tried eating a burger upside down, he found that he no longer had a problem.
“It’s fucking sorcery or something.”
More to come.