Liz Kemp has given up on the weights and has instead taken to the club’s group fitness classes, needing the motivation of an instructor and the fear of judgement to get moving.

After trying a few HIIT style classes, and a torturous spin cycle session, Liz had found a good middle ground with the Latin style dance fitness, Zumba.

Unfortunately for Liz, being painfully uncoordinated made it next to impossible to keep up with the fancy footwork, or the numerous hip rolls and booty pops.

“God, I hope no one was watching me,” says Liz, “that was just embarrassing.”

“Like, I’m only 25 but suddenly I felt like a white mum trying to krump.”

The instructor, a curvaceous Spanish woman in her 40s, had made the dance moves look like second nature. As someone who already felt insecure about joining a gym, trying to imitate someone with the rhythmic tenacity of Beyonce made Liz feel even worse.

Luckily for Liz, 90% of the class was just as horrible, save for a couple of people who had obviously been doing it for years.

“Yeah everyone was pretty bad. I think at one point a few people just gave up and just started jumping up and down on the spot.”

Liz eventually got the hang of one routine, which automatically made her feel a little bit smug and better than the rest of the bumbling buffoons who hadn’t yet mastered the grapevine.

Unfortunately, just as she was nailing the simple footwork, the instructor added in some hand movements.

“Do you know how hard it is to move your feet AND your hands?” Liz wails,

“My upper and lower body are completely independent of one another.”

Liz has reportedly never returned to the gym and has resigned to the fact that the only dance moves she’ll ever master is the Nutbush.


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