LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A grubby mate has been lashed by his friends this evening for taking the piss, whilst literally taking a piss.
Four schooners deep into Friday knock-off drinks, one Brent Adrian-Morley (24) from Betoota Grove was sanctioned by his mates after taking more than five minutes to drain the snake, due to his inability to just stand in silence and aim his cock at a wall, without having a scroll of his phone.
After stumbling into the mens room at the The Butcher’s Dog Hotel, Brent had barely flopped his schlong out at the trough, before reaching for his back pocket to pull out his phone.
Pissing wildly as drops of urine splashed over the hems of his jeans, Brent couldn’t care less given he was engrossed in an eclectic suite of Reels on Instagram.
Scrolling over a video of a stand-up comic, followed by some content of some gym girl giving glute exercise tips, Brent landed on a video containing golfing advice, before scrolling on further to some throwback Aussie cricket clips from 2004.
With both drunk eyes glued to his phone, Brent failed to clock that his piss had been done for more than three minutes before he finally came to.
“You right mate, you better not be texting your Mum while you’re doing that!” piped up his mate Greg, who’d come to the bathroom to check up on his friend.
“You really should spend a bit less time on that thing…” added another random bloke, who gave his pickle a little jiggle before moving on to wash his hands.
Coming too after letting his brain fall into zombie mode, Brent pocketed his phone and zipped up his fly, sheepish that he’d succumbed to his addiction of micro-hits of dopamine that rattle his mind every day.
“Wash ya hands mate, don’t be a grub,” his mate Greg added, nodding towards the sink.
“And hurry up, it’s your round, the boys are waiting…”
More to come.
