Local man Ryan Wells is the type of bloke who secretly believes picking the skin around his fingernails makes him slightly better than those who chew their fingernails.

He’s also the type of guy who tricks himself into believing he hasn’t eaten a whole packet of chips, by leaving a couple behind.

That being said, Ryan has impressively managed to reach age thirty without developing any dirty habits or questionable vices to cope with the crushing reality that life is full of unrelenting pain.

Unlike his peers, who all have problematic relationships with drugs and alchohol or are born again vegans, Ryan has cultivated healthy coping mechanisms such as going to the gym or meditating.

Which is easy for him, given that he doesn’t really exert that much brain power anyway.

The only noticeable tell that may suggest all is not great in the life of Ryan, is his tendency to pick the skin around his fingernail. Which has today, unfortunately, resulted in him developing a very painful hangnail.

Hangnails, or a tiny tear in the fingernail skin, are spectacularly painful bastards that appear to somehow get caught on every available loose piece of thread.

Unlike a papercut, a hangnail can never truly heal on its own and will often result in the owner either sucking it up and pulling it or leaving it to fester in a pool of blood and pus.

Ryans hangnail, which has seemingly found permanent residence on his right thumb, has unfortunately been whittled down to a short, thick thread of skin poking out from a very angry red nub.

Which makes it even harder for him to dislodge.

He gives it another halfhearted tug before wrapping a piece of tissue around it and leaving it for another day when he feels brave enough. More to come.


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