Nearly two whole years since Australians were forced to endure devastating lockdowns, and the affects of the pandemic are continuing to plague society.

The cost-of-living crisis, our nation’s burnt out health workers, and unpredictable property market are just some of the ongoing issues that are rearing their heads well after public health orders were wheeled back in late 2021.

However, one societal woe that is causing more suffering than the rest is the poorly behaved fluffy animals that were purchased by apartment-dwelling yuppies looking for ways to kill time while locked down at home during the pandemic.

Cafes, pubs, playgrounds and workplaces around the country are battling with a complete lack of dog owner etiquette, as hundreds of thousands of exotic lockdown puppies take on the outside world with fuck all training and even less monitoring from their yuppie owners.

It would seem the newest wave of dog owners are not following the well-worn model of only buying a pet dog when you have enough space, and maybe a couple of kids to wear it out.

Instead, these poor respiratorily-challenged modern mutts have been bred and groomed within an inch of their life, with equally as unpleasant owners who abuse any hospitality workers that refuse to acknowledge the human rights of their fidgeting pets.

While great company, pet dogs can display antisocial behaviour when they have been spoiled for approximately 4 months and then left alone to bark at the mirror in an apartment all day.

Particularly the big furry dogs that seemed to be en vogue in early 2020 and have never once gotten the exercise they crave.

Right across Australia, cafe chairs are being flipped and kids are being spooked by ill-disciplined ‘fur babies’ that have free reign on the city streets while their owners pretend everything is okay.

Prams are being rerouted to bitumen roads to avoid the leashed ferals block footpaths, while elderly citizens are being berated for accidentally clipping these same animals with their walking frames.

However, pet welfare groups are quick to remind frustrated Australians that this disaster is not the fault of the poor doggos – and to point the finger at their instant-gratification-seeking owners.


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