Since beginning a new chapter as a recently single man, Steven Pyne (46) is enjoying the simple things in life whether they be the tranquillity of an evening alone or the convenience of waking up on the couch with the telly already on and your outfit sorted.

Last month, Pyne’s estranged wife Patricia declared she was not having a midlife crisis but would need to move to Italy to make pesto professionally before she goes mental with a pair of sewing scissors. 

While the former couple’s estate and assets are being divided, Pyne has retained ownership of all the useless shit Patricia wanted out of the house years ago, chief amongst those his old gaming consoles and plastic tubs chock-a-block full of games.

According to Pyne, Need for Speed Underground really holds up for a game that is nearly 20 years old, especially now that he can light up a couple of hot ones in the living room and no one will get mad at him.

“Oh yeah Samantha, you think I’m weak now,” stated Pyne, as he exhaled smoke and began the game’s story mode for the first time in many years.

“You’ll see, I’m gonna get that Tiburon and then I’m gonna – Oh fuck yeah! Nate Dogg! This soundtrack slaps! What a time it was to be alive.”

“God I had a nice big full head of hair back then.”

Although his mental state is surely impacted by the dozen or so cones he consumed during our interview, Pyne reckons he can say with certainty that Need for Speed Underground is one of the greatest video games of all time and is a profound examination of the human experience.

“This was back when Pimp My Ride was just popping off. Funny how Pimp My Blank stayed in the lexicon y’know? I was at the Sporto the other day and their salad additions section of the menu was titled ‘Pimp My Salad’. Like, you wouldn’t have something called ‘Sell a Steak for Sex’ or ‘Prostitute my Parmi’.”


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