EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

As any new mum will tell you, nobody’s a better parent than people who don’t have any kids.

Or, parents who’ve long forgotten how stressful having young children can be, and how it’s human nature to grab any lifeline that’s available to you.

It just so happens that in 2023, that comes in the form of a phone or iPad. But before that it was television, and before that, it was leaving your kids to terrorise the streets for several hours a day completely unsupervised. 

Put simply, people have been trying to find some way to offload their kids onto something, or someone, since the dawn of time.

But local woman Rue Hanneman [34] has today decided it ends with her – she’s going to be the perfect attentive mum this generation is missing!

“If you ask me, mums these days have it too easy”, says Rue, ‘and the last thing society needs is for mum’s to have it easier.”

“So instead of taking a break from constantly interacting with my kid for hours on end by giving them an iPad while I unwind, I choose to instead lug around a rucksack full od mind stimulating activities.”

Heaving a giant bag onto the table, Rue flips it upside down to reveal 5kg of lego, Sudoku puzzles, colouring books, figurines and multiple parenting books.

“I could be selfish and try and give myself a mental break by letting Nicky watch some Bluey.”

“But then the iPad cops would be on my ass about how I’m letting his brain rot.”

“So I let my brain rot instead.”

More to come.


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