ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Is it raining outside?” asked one robotic middle-manager to another.

“Or is that hail?”

Those in earshot looked turned to their collective right and looked out the window.

Nothing but soft winter sunshine.

But they knew that, they were just making another jibe at Jessica Pearson’s loud typing – something that’s fast become the talk of the open-plan media agency office.

During a morning meeting today, all concept of organisation and productivity went out the window as the team took turns making passive aggressive comments about how loud young Jessica’s keystrokes are and how distributive they are.

“You’d think Fred Astaire is in the next room dancing on the fucking wall,” said a faceless media buyer.

“Like, the dancing prick is lying prone on a desk just tap tap tapping away on the wall just for the fuck of it, you know what I mean?”

The Big Bang Theory devotees all laughed and made properly uncomfortable eye contact with Jess, who was now trying to laugh along with everyone as she stared at the floor.

“Yeah!” piped up the token office Pom.

“I’ll be able to sue the bejesus out of this company for industrial deafness! It’s actually fucked.”

All the while this was going on, nobody used her name but everybody knew who the topic of conversation was.

Then as the ruckus calmed down, just as the boss walked in, Jessica snapped and threw a stapler at the token office Pom.

Had Jess not been the softball pitcher of the North Betoota Gorilla’s premiership-winning team last year, it would’ve merely been a soft boink on the noggin with a few gasps.

However, police and ambulance crews have attended the Daroo Street offices of the dime-a-dozen media agency after a call to 000 was made shortly before 11 this morning.

The stapler hit the Pom square in the forehead and paramedics are concerned that his brain may have suffered a full factory reset and may never be the same again.

The victim is currently in Royal Betoota Base Hospital in a stable condition.

More to come.


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