In yet another sad story from the year 2020, a local metalhead has revealed he’s having somewhat of an existential crisis at the moment.

“I realised this morning that I won’t be able to open that muthafucking pit up for the foreseeable future,” sighed Luke McRae, a local logistics manager at a warehouse in Betoota’s Flight Path District.

“I kinda had just put off thinking about it for a while, but this morning it really hit me.”

“Like, until there’s a vaccine, ain’t nobody opening the pit up at Download or the like for quite some time.”

“It’s pretty hard to socially distance when you are running at each other and flinging your arms and feet at fellow metalheads like you don’t have control of your body.”

The heavy metal enthusiast who gets worked up any time non-metal fans ask him whether he likes Amity, said he knows he’s lucky to have a job and a home and healthy friends and family, but it’s kinda shit that his outlet is gone.

“Man, Iron Maiden were gonna fuckin come out here this year,” said the man who reckons footy is blokes hugging each other but enjoys being in the middle of sweaty hairy metalheads for hours.

“The dumb jocks have their NRL and that other one [AFL], but us metalheads, we don’t have anything now,” sighed the man who has a strange dislike for contact sport considering he lives to run full speed at other blokes in a mosh pit.

“I don’t know, maybe I could organise a Zoom or House Party mosh and just run at the wall or something.”


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