ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A gymgoer has come close to turning some dickhead’s smartphone into a Steeden last night, after spotting yet another amateur content creator blocking the only thoroughfare at Betoota Heights Anytime Fitness.
Bilal Fahed, a 28-year-old developer and former A-Grade winger for the Betoota Dolphins, was halfway through a legs-and-core session when he noticed a phone balanced in the middle of the gym floor, capturing some propellorhead’s eighth set of bicep curls from a low angle.
“Bro I nearly hoofed it,” said Fahed, who played two seasons of Cowboys Young Guns before relocating inland.
“It was right there in the middle. Like I’m meant to walk around it or step over the thing. Bullshit, man.”
Witnesses say Fahed paused for a moment, lined up the target, and briefly shaped to boot the phone clean into the far corner of the gym like he was converting from touch.
“He had the posture. The angle. One of those intrusive thoughts was about to break the line,” said one onlooker.
“Could’ve easily put it through the uprights at Belmore. From Betoota.”
Others described the moment as having serious SuperGoal energy, a reference to the short-lived AFL pre-season rule that gave nine points for kicks outside 50.
“If it was a Sherrin, he was going for nine,” said another.
“He even gave it the old stutter-step.”
The phone’s owner, a self-described fitness content creator who lists his occupation as the CEO of a sole trading business, reportedly resumed filming without acknowledging the near miss.
Fahed says he;s now considering a shift to a quieter gym, with fewer ring lights and more people actually lifting.
“No one trains anymore, bro,” he said.
“It’s just TikToks and people walking around chatting like they’re up the shops.”
More to come.
