A local man is grappling with his mortality today, after ending up in a rather uncomfortable situation last night. 

Betoota Heights local Robert Blinken explained that he’s coming to terms with his age following a little venture into a Roma Hills nightclub called the ‘Cold Press.’ 

“Fuck I feel old,” sighed the 29-year-old man this morning. 

“The stinging headache and vodka redbull induced hangxiety isn’t helping either, but it was a real shock to the system.”

“I’m googling anti-ageing cream as we speak,” laughed the man following up on the advice from Steven Bradbury that seems to pop up during all the sport he watches. 

“The kids dancing around me last night, my goodness.” 

“And I say kids cause they all looked under 20.”

“I feel like a wrinkly old man who goes for a swim in his dick stickers down at the beach every morning.” 

Blinken explained that he was just enjoying a few beers with some friends down at a beer garden, when some of the more extroverted people in the group decided a bit of a dance was on. 

“I just went along with it and now we’re here. Looking on Mosh for anti-ageing treatments.” 

“My salad is going too,” he laughed, flicking across to the hair loss page of the website. 


“Before I know it I’ll be the centre of Royal Commission into aged care” 

“I did used to not mind a bit of a boogie, but that was overwhelming last night. I don’t even know half of the songs any more.” 


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