Continuing his trend of behaviour that can only be explained by drugs, local stoner Oscar Knott (32) hammered an Up & Go at midday yesterday, despite the fact that he did not get up and had nowhere to go.

Devised in the ‘90s by Sydney coke addicts who had found work at an ad agency, Up & Go’s are produced by Seventh Day Adventists/breakfast food producers Sanitarium, makers of the iconic Weet-Bix breakfast biscuit.

Boasting the protein and fibre of two Weet-Bix and milk, portable Up & Go’s have been a boon for people who think they don’t have enough time to sit down for breakfast as well as those who want to add a morally grey +2 to their ‘how many do you do’ count.

With a flavour that can only be excused by sheer convenience, it is therefore considered somewhat enigmatic as to why Knott would chug an Up & Go on his couch as opposed to while going for a run, surfing or any of the other stuff they do in adverts.

“Life is like an Up & Go,” stated Knott, who was rewarding himself for not having day cones yesterday by having day cones today.

“No matter how much you try and try, you’re not going to suck the damn thing dry. Sometimes you have to just accept that some things get away.”

Although his body was feeling the effects of additional protein, fibre and THC, Knott decided there is nowhere else he’d rather get up and go to than his bedroom with a fresh incognito window on his browser.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here