LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Known for terrorising a suburban neighbourhood over a six-year period and looking dapper while doing it, local serial killer Norman Tyler (35) is certain he’s handsome enough to be worthy of a podcast.

According to Tyler, his MO isn’t the most interesting to the desensitised masses of true crime podcast listeners and unfortunately for him, his childhood was tragically uninteresting.

“One time I remember my father, he was a cruel man, took a chip from my Happy Meal without asking,” stated Tyler, hoping his back story would make for a gripping podcast.

“Luckily I’m very charming and good at persuading people..”

Tyler proceeded to vividly recount the incident where he bludgeoned his father to death, taking extra care to mention how the blood splattered into his fringe creating a rough-one-in-the-boyband type look.

Posing in his cell, Tyler stated that he believed a podcast would finally get made when he could come up with a serial killer name that promoted both his sick behaviour and sickening style.

“I put a tender out to see if any PR agencies would like to represent me. Turns out PR agencies are careful about who they align with so I’ve only got 908 replies.”

More to come.


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