ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Day broke by the Lake Betoota Boatramp this morning as three local shift workers reversed their beloved Quintrex into the deep and majestic waters of Western Queensland’s deepest body of water.

Moments after the hull slid off the rollers, skipper Sam Davison threw the keys to his ex-cab EL Falcon to one of his mates to park the car and trailer.

However, the keys just happened to land in Gregor Redpath’s hands.

He looked down at the keys in his cupped hands then back up at Sam.

“Can you park her for me? Phil and I will bring her round to the jetty,” yelled Sam.

Gregor pursed his lips and thought about trying it for a second. That by some grace of God, he’d be able to summon the ability to reverse park a trailer when he’d never even sat for his learner plates.

But no.

“I can’t,” he replied.

“You can’t what? Are you disqualified? Fuck it, mate. There’s no jacks here.”

Again, a part of Gregor died.

“I can’t drive.”

Both Phil and Sam, now slowly drifting backwards in the still lake, stood in silence as they let the news sink in.

“Oh,” said Phil.

“Wait there, I’ll come do it.”

Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon, Sam said that they never knew that young Gregor didn’t have a licence. They just expected him to have one because he’s 33-years-old.

“How does he live?” Sam asked our reporter.

“How does he get to work? Or go shopping? Or get across town? He went to Whooton. Whooton boys don’t get the bus or the train,”

“It’s so weird. I definitely see him in a different light now. I used to think he was a handy, useful, red-blooded male. Not anymore.”

Our reporter spoke briefly with Gregor, who said he absolutely hates it when his biggest secret comes out like it did this morning.

“It is a source of immense shame for me,” he said.

“Truth is, I just never got around to it. And the older I got, the more embarrassing it was for me to seek help. Imagine asking a coworker to help you get your hours up as a 33-year-old? You’d be cactus!”

“What do I do?”

Our reporter shrugged and clicked the recorder off.

More to come.


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