Formerly young couple Jerry and Virginia Parker had a rude wake-up call on Friday night, after they suddenly realised they were watching Better Homes & Gardens instead of being dragged out of a club by a bouncer after numerous Jaegerbombs and an argument over a pool table.

“We had a pretty big one last weekend so we thought we might have a quiet Friday night,” explained Virginia.

“I made us up some pasta and mashed sweet potato and we were flicking through the channels when Better Homes & Gardens came on. They were showing how to update your patio on a budget which was interesting, and then Ed was making some sort of Strawberry Cheesecake Slice that looked really nice but when the commercial break started we sort of looked at each other and said holy shit, are we watching Better Homes and Gardens instead of playing Goon of Fortune? Instead of doing beer bongs with a hose from the roof? I mean, on Boxing Day we turned a whole bottle of Jaegermeister into Jaegerbombs which we then drank and turned into lawn marinade. What have we become?”

Husband Jerry was equally shocked by the revelation.

“These things just sneak up on you, you know? One moment you’re hotboxing in your cousin’s SS, the next minute you’re learning how to make a bird feeder out of old fence palings. I couldn’t believe it.”

Before the show had even ended, Jerry was getting quote on a life insurance policy, ordering a couple of legal will kits and looking into trading in his Toyota Landcruiser on a low mileage Corolla.

Meanwhile, Virginia, who already drives a low-mileage Corolla, was looking into trading it in on a used Landcruiser whilst comparing prices of caravans and finding a supplier for the crucial UHF channel sticker on the back.

“Yeah, it was a rude shock” admitted Jerry, as he switched the stereo from FM to AM, “But still, I guess we’ve had a good run”.


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