ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The employees of Betoota’s third-fastest-growing mezzanine boutique marketing firms smile and give their boss a double thumbs up whenever they see him.

Not because of his ability to steer the company from strength to strength, not because he smashes quarterly profit predictions and makes the investors happy.

They love him because he made sure that one of the first assets the company had, well before they even had any clients – was a ping pong table. Even though their jobs could disappear at any moment and he doesn’t seem to show any form of human empathy.

“I know how much start-up employees value having the ability to play table tennis whenever they want,” said Orifice Director/CEO Liam Conch..

“Taking five minutes to relax and switch off can really help productivity. That and the coffee machine! [laughs] That really helps! But the location, in my opinion, is most important. Finding this little hole in the wall in the Betoota Old City was so rare – I knew we had to have it.”

“It make them totally forget that there is no HR department in this place, and that I haven’t been paying Super”

However, not everybody in town is a fan of Orifice’s ping pong table.

Late last year, local pastoralist Jack Pearson visited the marketing firm to see what they could do to help him launch a new product.

The 71-year-old is set to become one of the biggest exporters of Brahman hump to China and simply wanted some advice on how to market it there.

“You should’ve seen it, mate. This smooth-hands chino-wearing fuck head was spinning some serious bullshit my way about China and whatnot. Then, fucking then, he asked if I wanted to verse him in a game of ping pong?” said Pearson.

“You wanna know what I told him? I said, ‘of course I don’t, you stupid cunt. I’m here to talk business and you’re trying to get me to play table tennis? The fuck is wrong with you? Did you get shaken as a baby or something?’ Jesus fucking wept, mate. You wouldn’t read about it.”

Jack Pearson refused to comment whether he’s doing business with the boutique firm.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here