A local piss hound is hiding a throaty bark this afternoon, keeping a low profile to ensure he’s allowed to get corporate bar tab level drunk. 

After spending the last two days displaying every single symptom of the Spicy Cough, it’s believed local Taxation Advisor Connor Willfred has spent his Friday reassuring his colleagues he doesn’t have the flu that stopped the world from spinning.

Sitting at a desk covered in empty Butter Menthol wrappers and stale mugs filled with the skeletal remains of blanched lemon slices, Connor has reportedly told his office coworkers that his dipping health is not bad enough to miss EOFY drinks. 

“Nah, it’s not Covid, I know the difference,” wheezed Connor.

“I had it back in the Christmas wave and this sniffle is totally different…”

Despite having no medical qualifications and refusing to line up for a test, Connor’s determination to drink as many green European beers and house sparkling wine as humanly possible is believed to be driving his unfounded self-diagnosis.

Speaking to The Advocate, the local big four accountant has outlined a list of reasons why he thinks the Pangolin Kiss has decided to skip him this round.

“I had a Tom Yum Soup for lunch and I could 100% taste the lemongrass, so this must just be your regular kinda flu!”

“I missed last year’s staff Christmas party due to the Spicy Cough, you think I’m going to go another six months without getting blackout on the company dollar?!”

“Besides, there’s 500 people coming to this EOFY drinks at a German Beer cafe, I reckon half the company will be stumbling home with some Covid in their back pocket.”

More to come.


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