With lockdowns slowly easing, hordes of young Australians are looking forward to spending hundreds of dollars on overpriced beer, and scoring risky stingers from a stranger in the smoking section, it’s reported.

The girls at the 328 Daroo Road household have reportedly been able to tide themselves over by scoring some subpar disco biccies from the owner of a burger shop down the street who, annoyingly, requires a lot of conversational foreplay as he doesn’t want to be known as a ‘drug dealer.’

Tonight’s blow out is set to be a pretty expensive night for the girls, considering that iso has meant they’ve been getting absolutely Captain Cooked a couple times a week, and have in turn built up quite a tolerance.

However, one of the party girls, Izzy Newitt (22, Betoota’s French Quarter) reckons this week’s batch is pretty shithouse – because it’s taken more than fifteen minutes to kick in.

“It hasn’t hit me yet”, insists Izzy, checking the time on her phone while she swigs from a triple black and cordial.

“Siri, set an alarm on for twenty minutes.”

Busting out one of the larger doopers, which they’d affectionately nicknamed the ‘Wardy Joubert’ – a sweaty Izzy lobs out it down her gob before chasing it down with the lolly water.

As a creepy smile begins to slowly creep across her face, a clearly rolling Izzy insists that it still hasn’t kicked in.

However, her pupils, which easily take over the entirety of her eyes like an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, suggest she’s a lot more turnt than she’s letting on.

That, and the fact that that she keeps complimenting everyone.

“Fuck you’re good looking” says Izzy as she grabs her mate Addie’s chin,

“Have I told you how fucking good looking you are babe?”

“Seriously not going to lie. I fucking love you guys”

“I mean it”



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