With home ownership and retirement no more than lofty dreams for many millennials, new research suggests that young people are being priced out of even more of their parent’s favourite past times.

Australia has the 4th highest excise (fancy word for tax) on beer in the world with 42% of the total cost of a case of beer being tax, the equivalent of ten beers out of every slab.

It is for this reason that millennials and zoomers are drinking less, which may make them the first generations to be priced out of alcohol abuse.

Alcohol has been a part of Australian culture since settlers started fucking shit up with barrels of rum often being the preferred form a payment for committing atrocities they won’t teach you about in school.

Naturally, Australians got right into alcoholism which led to the birth of ‘recovering alcoholics’, ‘functioning alcoholics’ and ‘larikins’. 

These days though, these personality types might as well be a 3 bedroom house with a backyard in a good UberEats catchment they are that unattainable to young people.

“Even goon and juice is a bit out of my price range these days,” stated 32-year-old Bella Karlton who should have left her goon and juice days behind a decade ago.

“It’s not just the goon, have you seen the price of juice?”

Like most of her friends, Karlton has been financially manipulated into moderation meaning that she will never get to be the alcohol abuser that a woman with as many toxic exes as her deserves to be.


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