Betoota woman April Bing decided to try her hand at guided meditation this week.

According to Bing, the constant noise of modern living led her to trying one of the popular guided meditation apps that have been advertised to her thousands of times amongst all the media she consumes.

“My mate tried it and said it really helped her,” stated Bing.

Unfortunately for Bing, after a few minutes of a non-threatening female vocal telling her how to breathe in and out over white noise, she realised just how many personalities she has knocking about up there and was understandably unable to meditate.

“Just relax and think of nothing? How can I do that when I got mum inside my head reminding me about my body clock and the year 6 netball captain telling me I’ll always be fat?”

Despite mediation being a time tested strategy for improving mental clarity for some people, for Bing it has served as a painful reminder of the disinterested voices that hang round our noggin like a pack of knits. 

“I sit down and try and clear my mind but that prick student teacher who belittled me for asking a basic question keeps popping in to say she knew I wouldn’t be successful!”

“I was just asking a question you dickhead! You didn’t need to make me feel stupid in front of the entire class! Not everyone is out to get you, you venomous old bat!”

“Fuck this! Telly is going back on!”

“Maybe tomorrow.”


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