CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
A local man found himself in uncharted territory after severely misjudging the tone of his Hinge date at a trendy Fitzroy cafe.
Thinking it would be a casual coffee date, Tom Barnard (28) didn’t realise his coffee order would be scrutinised by his date, Ruby Muller(26).
The management consultant had planned to play it safe by ordering a cappuccino even accepting it would be too bitter for his liking as he couldn’t bring himself to ask for two sugars in front of Ruby. He quickly realised, after hearing Ruby’s order, that even ordering a cappuccino was embarrassing
“Can I order the Single Origin Ethiopian West Arsi Sebo cold brew?” Ruby asked. “…and are these beans processed in an anaerobic natural way or washed?” she asked the barista.
“Anaerobic nature, the barista explained, with floral notes that have a touch of bergamot and pinot noir”.
“And for you?” the barista asked.
“Uhh, I’ll have the same,” Tom blurted out.
“I just panicked,” Tom admitted. “She asked the barista about the altitude of the beans, I couldn’t just order a cappuccino like an absolute idiot.”
Ruby, a freelance creative with a septum ring and a tote bag from an obscure Berlin art exhibition, says she clocked the switch immediately.
“Oh yeah, he hesitated,” she said, suppressing a smirk. “He was probably gonna order something tragic, like a cappuccino.”
Despite the rocky start, Tom did his best to lean into Ruby’s aesthetic, nodding as she spoke about starting a zine with her housemates and quietly wondering what “pet nat” was.
