KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Steaming into his house after a night on the piss, it appears local carpet salesman Beau Hewitt has managed to do another silly season inspired number on himself.
Charging through his house after several Rum n’ Cokes, Beau appeared dazed and confused as he attempted to tear off his clothing and navigate his way to the comforting embrace of his bed.
Sitting on the end of his mattress as he attempted to pry off his shoes, a combination of alcohol, potato wedges and the fact he hasn’t exercised in two months forced Beau to gasp for air as he tried to reach his toes.
Finally falling flat on his pillow after disregarding the need to brush his teeth, it’s believed Beau was given a friendly reminder of his inability to achieve anything productive in 2022.
Staring across at his bedside drawer which was covered in an assortment of clean and unclean socks and underwear, Beau spotted a dust covered copy of ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear, a self-help book designed to inspire readers to make time for positive habits, break bad ones and overcome a lack of motivation and willpower.
A book purchased back in January, Beau admitted to our reporter that he had flicked through the first two chapters of the guide in the early stages of the year, before all 320 pages simply became a sort of bedside decoration along with a lamp that also no longer works.
Cursing to our reporter live on the scene, Beau vowed to The Advocate that he planned to get his life in order in 2023.
“Nah no more screwing around, I’m a 31-year-old bachelor with less than $1000 to my savings account, I’ve really got to straighten up.”
“But I’ve also got my work Christmas party next week and then a bucks after that, so I might as well hold out any big life changes til after Christmas.”
“Next year though, next year will be different…”