Louis Burke | Culture | Contact

Former call centre employee Charlie Roper (32) has taken to social media to announce she is now accepting her first clients as a professional life coach, despite the fact she is the last person you’d ever take advice from.

As a high school graduate, Roper recently added to her credentials by attending a life coaching course that she paid for by taking out a small payday loan from a shopping plaza bank she is not yet indebted to.

Now with the necessary skills needed to be a home-brand therapist, Roper is ready to start changing people’s lives for the better even though she has never made much of an effort to improve her own situation.

“You need to listen to your heart but you can’t do that without a stethoscope. I am that stethoscope,” stated Roper as she packed away her overflowing ashtrays in order to make her lounge room more ‘client friendly.’

“Dr Charlie is in the house.”

Although she only recently learned what ‘nature vs nurture’ is, Roper is confident her alternative approach to life coaching will yield revolutionary results as long as her housemates don’t interrupt her sessions to remind her to clean up the mess she made in the kitchen 12 days ago.

“We are going to paint some mandalas and inhale lavender until we feel relaxed. And if that doesn’t work we’ll just put on Friends and smoke ourselves stupid. Therapy.”

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