Despite robbing you of 12 hours of your day, the ability to do what you want and the option to have lunch in silence, corporations are yet again asking more of their employees.

As the marketing team of Old City District insurance agency HeadStone Ltd recently learnt, their corporate leadership team is now demanding that they like each other and sent them on a form of torture known as a ‘team-building retreat.’

According to Assistant Brand Manager Beau Dunn (26) the ten members of the marketing team were due for a shakeup after their constant bickering failed to lead to ROI and shareholder satisfaction. 

It is for this reason they were forced to treat each other (and themselves) as if they were humans and not the soulless salad wrap consuming drones they’ve come to know and hate.

“We’re going to start with a getting to know you exercise,” said marketing head Lillian Cooper (50) knowing full well this was fun for nobody.

“My name is Lillian and I wish I owned my own island.”

After sharing their names and dreams that all had nothing to do with a career in marketing, the team that hated each other on a professional level now had plenty of ammo to hate each other on a personal one.

“I hope she gets her own island and fucking stays there,” said Dunn in a later interview.

“At least from there, she can’t make me draw mandalas.”

“Then she talked us through how to use our time effectively. It took three and a half hours.”

More to come


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