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A semi-retired geologist is at the centre of a localised firestorm this today after he attempted to justify the purchase of a used Tesla motorcar by saying coal is technically vegan and organic.

Betoota Grove resident Gregor Spearson, who was once so moved by the slaughter of whales by the Japanese that he bought a bumper sticker for his late-model Citroen wagon,  was responding to claims made by an intellectually-superior conservative neighbour that he’s ‘dodgem car’ doesn’t help the environment at all because it’s charged by the local Euromanga Basin Coal Power Plant.

“It’s also fair trade coal because it is of Australian origin,” said the 57-year-old.

“We pay or mining workers fairly. But technically, coal is an organic substance and also vegan! But I don’t recommend eating it! [laughs]”

But his aging neighbour, Colin Rogerson, was not laughing.

The School of Hard Knocks alumnus and graduate of The University of Life knows a thing or two about electric cars, he tells our reporter, and none of those things is good.

In fact, Colin says he often gets worked up whenever he sees Gregor’s Tesla and feels it sneaks up on him as he’s walking his unmicrochipped Staffie down the street.

He spoke to our reporter about his issue with the car a short time ago.

“Nearly all the rare earth minerals that go into those batteries come from the Central African Republic where they’re mined by child slaves and traded by warlords,” he said, smirking.

“I’d rather drive my EL Falcon that was made by a proud man in Geelong called Dave or Brett. She’s got 740 000 km on her clock and her inline-six still runs like a Baby-G. I know that think Gregor has goes like a shower of shit and can drag a chisel plough down a highway but at what cost?”

Colin then went to spit but it didn’t come out right and it ended up dribbling onto his Souths jersey.

“Ah Christ!”

Our reporter elected to leave after that.

More to come.


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