The employees of Betoota Engineering and Instrumentation Pty Ltd were subjected to emergency medical checks yesterday after reports an employee had displayed coronavirus symptoms.

The employee in question, Boilermaker Trevor Dali showed up to work on Monday morning but was quickly sent home after complaining of a fever, cough and sore throat.

Fortunately, all other employees were later tested and cleared, although Trevor was ordered by the Workplace Health & Safety Officer to stay away from work for the next 12 days.

However, some co-workers have since cast doubt on the seriousness of Trevor’s illness, with some claiming he may not be sick at all.

“I reckon he’s just using it as an excuse because he has no leave days left,” said Machinist Andy Willis.

“Besides, how can he have it when nobody else around here does? Unless you can catch it from watching too much tentacle porn I reckon he might be telling porky pies.”

Meanwhile, Fitter Craig Walker says he too is sceptical of the claims.

“My wife works at Betoota Noodle Nook and she reckons last night he came in and ordered 3 large laksas. Does that sound like the actions of a guy who is sick? Plus he was showing me pictures of a secondhand sauna he picked up for $500 the other day. All of this is a bit too convenient for me, especially since he just got a Netflix subscription.”

However, when told of his workmates’ theories, Trevor was adamant he really did have Coronavirus.

“That’s bullshit, I’m sick as a dog mate,” he said, over the sound of Rust Valley Restorers in the background.

“Why would I fake this? So I can be stuck at home with nothing but a 65” TV to keep me company? No way; I’d much rather be waving a 9-inch angle grinder around in the not-air-conditioning. Besides, I often get up at 4 am to eat laksa. For 3 hours. In a sauna. Cough.”


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