ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local happy-go-lucky, correctly proportioned man is on his way to the coast for the long weekend.

But first, he must suffer the indignity of being a man of charming heft flying on a budget airline.

Lewis Smokeman, a French Quarter grain trader, told our reporters that he tried to jag himself an exit row as he checked in this morning by turning on the charm at the counter.

“I noticed that the check-in lady was wearing this big old engagement ring so I complimented her on that,” he said.

“Turns out it was the wrong hand but she said thanks anyway. That made what I was about to ask her a bit harder, though,”

“Dropped a hint that I might like an exit row seat, considering I’m 201cm and a buck ten. That’s a big old boy in any language. I am the big kahuna. But yeah, she said nah. They’re already been a few big kahunas check in before me, apparently.”

After treating himself to a 9 am $12 airport schooner of Tooheys New and a ploughman’s lunch, the 29-year-old made his way to the gate for the flight to Brisbane.

As it turns out, most of the Betoota Dolphins third-grade team were on the same flight – heading out on their end-of-season footy trip to Port Moresby.

“Makes sense,” he said.

More to come.

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