Though she promises herself every week that she won’t get into yet another alcohol-induced shame spiral, local woman Hannah is finding it hard to ditch the booze – especially after buying out all the half-priced bottles of rum from her local tavern.

Hannah’s cautiously optimistic attitude, which was known to ebb even in the best of times, has reportedly taken a huge nosedive considering what a shit show the past three months have been.

But despite being unemployed, and overwhelmed with the current state of affairs, Hannah considers passing out on a couch every Friday night quite harmless, in retrospect – mainly because no one, aside from her equally fucked up roomie Lisa, has been witness to her embarrassing drunk alter ego.

The fact that Hannah has actually managed to go three months without strangers seeing her spontaneously slut drop at the Beat, or pass out in front of the valley Maccas is a vast improvement.

Not to mention a lot more cost effective, given that the vodka soda she’ll no doubt end up vomiting onto herself is $9 a glass.

For now, half an hour of yoga in the morning, followed by a few chores and maybe a few journal entries, before inevitably having a chicken Kiev with a cup of expired orange juice for dinner is probably the closest Hannah will ever get to having her life together. And that’s okay.



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