RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

From deep within the thronging mass of average worker bees scurrying about Betoota’s financial district, a typical Joe has been caught staring vacantly out of a skyscraper window.

The vacant starer in question, John Smith (32), is experiencing a deep sense of existential meaningless after discovering that his wage is far below the national average.

Which is especially unfortunate for John Smith, because by every conceivable measure he is Patient Zero for the average Australian. He has the typical nuclear family, an average sized mortgage, a car, dog, cat, and likes to take a trip away with the family now and again.

The problem for John Smith is that he’s been living the average life on less money than everyone else in the country doing the same things.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics recently confirmed that in the year of our Lord, 2022, the average fulltime working Australian makes $92k a year. However, John Smith is only on $62k a year.

Staring out his tinted skyscraper office wall of glass, John Smith can almost see the forest for the trees. Almost.

“I’ve been working in this job 6 years,” John Smith told our reporter. “I never once thought to ask what my peers were earning.”

The Advocate confirmed with John Smith that while investigating this story, many of his peers reported being on at least $92k a year for either the same role or a lesser one.

John Smith let out what appeared to be some kind of high-pitched squeak, before returning his gaze to the city skyline and sighing heavily.

 “Do I ask for a pay rise to get up to the average wage?” He asked.

The Advocate didn’t know what to say. A 50% pay rise request like this was not likely to be successful, despite it only bringing John Smith up to the average standard wage for people just like him.

The Advocate could only pat John Smith on the back, and joined the average bloke in looking into the middle distance out beyond the buildings and the fields, out to where the promise of a better tomorrow began to set in the twilight of John Smith’s wasted youth.


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