KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
In national logistics news, AusPost have confirmed that every Christmas package and letter to Santa has finally been delivered.
In a press conference held on the steps of their head office in Melbourne, Chief Executive Delivery Officer Rod Starr told reporters that every parcel and gift card has now reached it’s final destination.
“Look it’s not an ideal timeline, but we got there in the end!” Rod told reporters pretty sheepishly.
“But last night we tracked the delivery of what we believe was the very last Christmas present of 2024!”
“Julie in North Adelaide should be opening up a gorgeous little engraved cheese board she got sent from her cousin Trish in Coolangatta, we sure hope she likes it!”
It’s been a busy silly season for the nation’s postal carrier, who’ve been managing the delivery of millions, if not billions of packages from the tsunami of Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Vogue Night Tuesday and “Shit I Better Buy A New Years Outfit” sales.
When asked what was the cause of the two month delay, Rod says AusPost are up against a wall of factors.
“Well firstly no delivery ever makes it to someone’s doorstep, which means everyone has to eventually go line up at the post office to pick up the thing they ordered, and stand behind the pensioners paying bills or some toddler who won’t pose for a passport photo.”
“But I don’t blame our posties, they cop a lot. If you’ve seen some of the bull terriers that are barking at their feet these days, it’s no wonder they don’t stick around to write out a missed delivery card.”
“Not to mention we’ve canned the proper red motorbikes and put all posties on EV bikes, those things travel slower than a pensioners mobility scooter. It’s no wonder they’re only hitting 3 package deliveries per hour!”
