ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A visiting American has rebranded as a Canadian overnight after facing sustained criticism from locals over his home country’s unfriendly tariffs on Australian steel and aluminium.
Chad Johnson from Chicago, had been travelling through the Channel Country for several weeks before finding himself in an uncomfortable position at the Royal Lord Grand Commercial Railway Exchange Hotel on Thursday evening. After casually mentioning his nationality to a group of workers from the Diamantina Steel Works, the conversation quickly turned to US trade policy.
Several locals took issue with the 25 per cent tariff imposed by the Trump administration on Australian steel, a move that has been widely condemned by the federal government and global leaders. The decision has led to growing frustration among workers in regional areas, where steel production remains a key part of the local economy.
“I told him his country’s president is a fuckwit and his steel is rubbish,” said one patron, who preferred not to be named.
“He didn’t have much to say after that. Stupid fucken yank. Wanker.”
Witnesses say Johnson attempted to explain that he was not personally responsible for US trade policy and he didn’t even vote, but the argument failed to gain traction. By the end of the night, he had conceded that identifying as Canadian was the easiest solution.
“Aussies love Canadians,” Johnson said on Friday.
“Peas in a pod. Both love the outdoors, contact sport, getting hammered in public. War crimes. They have a free-trade deal, they have universal healthcare, and their president isn’t an orange psychopath. Bit of blackface here and there but the new guy is pretty clean. I don’t really know what’s going on with their government, but no one ever yells at a Canadian in the pub. I’ve seen Aussies buy Canadians a tray of shots. That’s treatment that only Kiwis get.”
Johnson confirmed he will continue to introduce himself as Canadian for the remainder of his travels. He said he has also begun adjusting his accent slightly and referring to America as “the States” to complete the illusion.
More to come.
