A record number of everyone’s time was wasted today as local musician Gavin Bowles (30) attempted an acoustic cover of a Mariah Carey song.

Coming live from the beer garden of Old City District brewery, The Plain Beer & Irony Co, Bowles was scheduled for a three hour set but ended up performing for what felt like a perpetual amount of time.

You see, unlike the top 1% of actually decent musicians who use performance to express themselves, Bowles prefers to be one of the 99% of talentless twats who would like to show off how cheeky they are by doing an acoustic cover of a non-acoustic song.

So it was that Bowles performed an acoustic version of We Belong Together by Mariah Carey off the 2005 album The Emancipation of Mimi, effectively wasting the time of every nearby person with a pair of working eardrums.

Although the original track does feature some guitar, it also features piano, percussion and a vocal performance that has about 30 times the range Bowles is capable of. Nevertheless, it did not stop the glorified busker from giving it a go and no one is still quite sure why.

“When you left I lost a part of me,” sang Bowles, unaware a part of everyone’s collective soul was leaving too.

“Come back baby please cause…oi come back but! I was gonna do a key change!”

More to come.


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