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The NSW Government is reeling today in the aftermath of the 2022 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.
A spokesperson from the Premier’s office says state MPs are feeling ‘flat out uncomfortable about what happened last night’.
“It wasn’t so much the sexual promiscuity. It was more about the noise” said NSW Minister For Police Troy Grant.
“All those people dancing hysterically, it reminded me of the last days of Rome. Now I know what Gladys was talking about”
Despite three years of strict monitoring of young people behaviour in the retirement belt of Sydney’s inner-east, it seems that even Former Premier Mike Baird’s legacy of Hillsong Sharia (lock-out laws) was unable to stop the iconic tradition of gay people dancing with their friends over the first weekend of March.
One 19-year-old female who doesn’t even identify as homosexual says that after taking to the streets in a revealing but fabulous burlesque outfit, she felt guilty and ashamed at first.
“I felt like I had overdone it. It just didn’t feel right… That was until I heard the Lady GaGa”
“The cops were being nice and smiling at me, it was weird. Everyone was okay with the dancing”
However, not all residents were as peachy about the glitter and glamour of the 44th Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras.
“These kids have too much time on there hands” roared one Baby Boomer, named Wendy, who decided to move into one of her five investment properties in inner-city Darlinghurst three years ago.
“Why don’t they buy a house and do something positive like my generation did”
“The noise was appalling. The way they were dressed was disgusting. This isn’t what Sydney is about anymore”
“Sydney exists purely to house me and my husband’s hoarded wealth. My property has gone up twice in value since they banned the nightclubs in Kings Cross.
Despite making ‘upwards of 40 phone calls’ to the local police, Wendy’s cries were not heard.
One local homosexual by the name of Danny says that sometimes “Sydney has just gotta be fabulous” and no amount of complaining will be able to stop it.
“I’m beautiful in my way ’cause God makes no mistakes,” he said.
“I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way”
“Don’t hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you’re set. I’m on the right track, baby. I was born this way