CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Federal Opposition’s Shadow Treasurer has today once again found out about his own party’s policies via the media.
Angus ‘Tay-Tay’ Taylor MP was enjoying his daily breakfast of coco pops granola and vanilla yoghurt when he heard the Sky News update about his leader Peter Dutton’s decision to backflip on two of their three policies.
“WHAT!?” gasped Tay Tay, who has been growing very tired of not being briefed on any of Dutton’s knee-jerk announcements.
The Liberal Party will no longer force workers back into the office, and have abandoned the Elon Musk-style plans to sack 40,000 from the public service and replace them with big 4 consultants.
As it stands, the only policy that the Liberals are standing behind is the psychotic Nuclear Power Plan – a highly complicated and exceedingly costly infrastructural project that most voters still have not truly accepted to be genuine.
“So that’s it!?” says Tay-Tay.
“We are going to the election with nothing but a plan to start experimenting in an extremely risky technology that Australia has exactly zero experts to help get the ball rolling”
It is not known if the Liberal Party has any more policies up their sleeve to set themselves apart from the current Albanese government, and when exactly they plan on announcing them.
So far, the Liberals have simply agreed to match every election promise that Labor has made. In turn presenting themselves as an identical government, just run by a man that polls horribly with women.
Except for nuclear power, which is now the only point of difference between the two major party’s election campaigns.
This is starting to worry Angus Taylor.
“So now we are backpedalling on work from home and gutting the public service, what have we got?”
“We are now exclusively campaigning on nuclear power? Like, this election is essentially just becomes a referendum on whether or not Australians like the idea of powering our homes with radioactive energy?”
“Oh yeah, and young people can drain their super to pull together a housing deposit I spose”
