An Australian man who has been living in the Land Of The Rising Sun will not be able to feel like home again, after Australia’s national carrier fucked up over.

This follows the news that a regulatory probe that could see Qantas fined as much as $600 million for allegedly selling tickets on 8000 cancelled “ghost” flights in 2022.

Meaning, customers were being charged out the arse for exorbitantly gauged tickets on planes that were never going to take off in the first place.

The young man, who appears to be one of those weird upper middle class Australians who are fascinated by Asian culture, will now have to forgo his trip home to Australia – on business class – because Alan Joyce has fucked up so badly that even loyal passengers from the front of the plane are being betrayed in a greedy attempt to keep the shareholders happy.

A plan hatched up with the help of his siblings to surprise his darling mum at a family luncheon in a picturesque rural setting has been completely ruined, because the bond of a mother and son means absolutely fuck all to the corporate fat cats that have been working tirelessly to destroy the reputation of Australia’s once proudest export.

And it appears, despite the regulatory probe, Qantas are still selling tickets to flights that will never even see a plane assigned to them.

This is because Qantas has no spare planes. Because the outgoing chief executive Alan Joyce has continually delayed the purchase of new aircraft to reduce capital spending and improve the company’s bottom line, impressing shareholders enough to maintain his grotesque annual bonuses worth tens of millions of dollars.

Mum is absolutely shattered. Good one Alan.


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