CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has once again nearly killed himself, as he continues his nationwide campaign of pretending to look like he’s ever had to break a sweat.
This comes after a big week of ambushing workplaces right around the country, starting with a welding gaffe in the Northern Territory last weekend
The PM’s very close call with permanent loss of sight was then followed by an accident on the Port Of Botany, where he destroyed 43 freight containers while fucking around in a crane, before he was spotted lifting a 700 litre fridge with his back during a photoshoot with some removalists in Brisbane.
On Thursday last week he was seen breaking up post-war asbestos sheeting without a mask, while visiting a residential worksite in adelaide.
However, while last week’s pre-campaign gaffes had the potential to cause long-term illness or ailments, today Scotty appears to have literally nearly blown his head off.
While taking the opportunity to talk pose with Australian Defence Force troops in a ‘khaki election’ press conference aimed at further antagonising both Russia and China, the PM decided to play around with some of the hardware on display.
“Haha what’s this one called?! Is this the bazooka?” shouted the PM as he picked up a loaded high-powered sniper rifled from a rack of small arms at the Townsville barracks.
The Prime Minister left the soldiers in shock, as he violently shook the Blaser Tactical 2 Sniper Rifle and attempted to look down the barrel.
“Haha. What’s this one for!” shouted Scotty From Marketing, in front of a wall of dumbfounded soldiers who were powerless to stop him from fucking around with a loaded weapon capable of firing both ball and armour-piercing .338 calibre service ammunition at point targets to a range of 1500 metres.
The shutters of cameras flickered as the ADF troops finally found their voice, with one startled Luietenant managing to whisper “Please stop that”.
The Prime Minister dismissed the alarmist military professional.
“Haha. Oh don’t be such a worry warts mate.” said Scotty.
“I used to visit my uncles farm in Bowral all the time as a boy. I know my way around a bloody slug gun!”
At time of press, it had became very clear that the soldiers on the ground at Townsville were in no way comfortable with the fact that this is actually the man who will be giving the orders that send them to Ukraine.