In the midst of celebrations surrounding last night’s State Of Origin Game 1 victory, it has never been more clear that rural Queenslanders cannot get a win outside of rugby league.

Residents of Outback Queensland are being forced to employ bushcraft tactics to deal with a burgeoning rodent plague that has emerged months after the biggest floods on record.

Revolting numbers of rats and mice are harassing communities and farmers in Queensland’s south-west and the south-east – right up to the north-west and Tablelands regions.

In the southern grain regions, an abundance tasty treats leftover from last year’s bumper crops has seen the rodent populations explode, while up north the little fuckers are instead chewing through pipes and wires.

While councils and agricultural groups are urging locals to be proactive with baits and trapping, if we’ve learnt anything from previous rodent plagues in Queensland and New South Wales, the only way to resolve this natural disaster is to wait until they get dusted off by other elements of the harsh Australian bush.

Unfortunately, the supercharged growth of grasses and other bushfire fuel that has arisen after the Big Wet earlier this year, looks like the death rattle for these gross little things.

Growing concerns over the possibility of yet another bushfire season may just bring with it the ironic silver lining that every fucking one of these rodents will be torched into ash.

That’s if we don’t get a quadruple La Nina that drowns them all. Either way, rural Queensland is hoping that whatever natural disaster they get dealt is light enough to demolish the pointy-snout pests without causing any more hurdles for agriculture.

More to come. Because it never fucken ends.


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