Brisbane City appears to have bucked a concerning trend this week, as the Queensland Capital successfully neutralises the catastrophic drop in Australian insects.

The decline in bee and grasshopper numbers is just one of the rather concerning repercussions that comes from burning fossil fuels at an accelerating rate for two centuries, as well as using whatever fucking chemicals you can invent to grow genetically modified crops in a country that doesn’t suit them.

Through climate change, pesticides and the dwindling green spaces, the Australian insect population is decreasing every year. Between the years 2006 and 2016, Australia lost over 20% of both commercial honey-producing hives and wild insects.

But this concerning statistic looks to be turning around today, in Brisbane at least.

Australia’s most progressive and environmentally conscience city is once again in the news, after the city unanimously agreed to tear up the concrete and bitumen that once paved their busiest arterial, and replaced it with flowing fields of native grass.

Cross-city commuters say the only downside to having two kilometres of Burra Weeping Grass covering the Riverside Expressway is the fact that they have keep their windscreen wipers on, because of the noticeable increase in bugs.

However, most agree that this is for the greater good, because if our insects become extinct, most bird and amphibian species would also be extinct in two months.

“It makes sense” says Glenn, a 60-year-old powdercoater from Woolloongabba.

“It is crucial for our own existence that we start considering the impact of paving the banks of our major river systems with sprawling highways of steel and cement”

“I drive a dual cab Hilux, mate. You don’t think my rig can handle a bit of native cooch?!”

Replacing the entire Riverside Expressway with the naturally occurring east coast Microlaena stipoides is just one of the plans that Brisbane’s new Federal MPs have for the city. This comes after the progressive people of Greensland quadrupled the number of electorates held by the Australian Greens in Parliament House at the 2022 Federal Election.

Yesterday, the recently elected members for Griffith, Ryan and Brisbane were proud to announce that the city’s river was once again running crystal blue for the first time since colonial settlement.

It is not yet known what is wrong with those Rednecks in Victoria and Tasmania, but Greens leader Adam Bandt says he wishes all Australians were as open-minded and empathetic as the progressive custodians of Brisbane – Australia’s most progressive city.


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