Queensland Health officials are warning this football finals season’s wave of related drunken injuries is likely to be severe with the number of cases already on the rise across the state.

This comes as Brisbane’s three newly-elected Greens MP made the executive decision to pave the streets of the city’s booziest nightlife precincts with silicon solar panels.

Caxton street in Brisbane’s inner-west is now 100% renewable, as was promised by Greens during the 2021 Federal Election.

Greens leader Adam Bandt says the slight incline on Caxton street positions the panels at the optimal tilt to harvest as much sunlight as possible, and had previously earmarked the party strip as one 10,000 streets across ‘Greensland’ to be repaved with photo-voltaic modules.

“the path to Origin greatness is now paved with solar panels” said Bandt.

“Greenslanders can now walk the mile between the front bar of the Cacko and SunCorp with a clear conscience”

“It’s little changes like this, and the fact that the Riverside expressway is now just one giant field of native grass, that make Brisbane the most progressive city in Australia”

However, health experts say the polished surface that has replaced the bitumen does not mix well with alcohol – especially in this relentlessly wet Queensland winter.

So far this year there have already been more than 800 and cases of fractured elbows and broken tailbones, as hospital admissions for PRI (piss related injuries) have been doubling every week for the last two weeks since the election.

There were just 296 PRI cases reported in Caxton street for the whole of 2021.

Chief Health Officer Dr John Gerrard says RM Williams boots on slippery surfaces are always likely to end badly.

“Throw a skinful of full-strength in the mix, and a few light showers. And these solar panels are slipperier than a kebab shop floor tiles during a punch-on”

“My recommendation would be rubber soles and hand rails”

“Anyway. Go the Maroons!!!”


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