Scott Morrison has responded to an impassioned speech by Swedish teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg this week by urging scientists to stop subjecting Australian children to “needless anxiety” over Climate Change.

The Australian Prime Minister was asked for his response to Greta Thunberg’s excoriation of world leaders at this week’s climate action summit, when she accused the political class of failing the younger generations.

Morrison told reporters he acknowledged “how deeply people feel about this issue” but said the public debate was replete with disinformation about Australia’s climate change policies, and that terrifying environmental disasters like rising sea levels and rainforest fires are a lot easier to swallow when you spend every Sunday praying to a Pentecostal rock band who you believe will take you to heaven with them after their rapture.

“It often comes as news to people when I share with them Australia has the highest per capita investment in renewable energy of any country in the world” said Morrison, neglecting to point out that we also dig up enough coal to power the two billion households in India.

Morrison then went on to state he wants children growing up in Australia to feel positive about their future, he thinks it is important we give them that confidence that they will not only have a wonderful country and pristine environment to live in, that they will also have an economy to live in as well as they navigate their way through not getting molested by pastors in the suburban Hillsong and Catholic churches.

“I don’t want our children to have needless anxieties” said Morrison.

“Not about these issues anyway. I want them to be worried about the very alarming and rapidly normalised conversations about women who used to be men wanting to use womens toilets”

“Or, you know…” he chuckled.


“I know its a very 2013 hot button… But I still reckon it’s worth getting worked up about Muslims. I know a lot of people in my party still are”

When asked what he thinks normal Aussie kids should be getting up to in their free time instead of attending climate rallies, Morrison pointed out that the kids in his electorate are able to have just as much fun attending rallies that don’t make the Liberal Party look bad.

“In Cronulla, they have rallies on the beach in the holidays!” he said.

“That’s what our kids should be focusing their energy on”


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