During a live press conference in Rockhampton this morning, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has finally addressed what looks to be a key issues are taking to the ballot this election: wage stagnation.

The PM has hit back at Anthony Albanese over this issue, as the media scrum finally focuses on the cost-of-living rather than the gotchya questions that dominated the first two weeks of the debate.

The Opposition has been promising higher wages if Labor wins government on May 21, but the Liberals have accused the Opposition Leader of making a “false promise” – because in their experience, wages can’t increase unless billionaires are provided with the tax breaks required to give them a little bit more cash to throw around.

The Prime Minister said that the only way workers wages will rise is in a strong economy, when the companies they work for decide to be generous – and that can only happen under a Liberal Government.

Ignoring the fact that wages have not gone up in the 9 years since the Liberals actually took power under Tony Abbott, Scotty has begged voters to give him one more shot at this.

“Wages can only rise in a stronger economy” said Scotty.

“And only we can provide that, when this pandemic is over”

“I know I already said it was over at the start of the Delta wave, but apparently it’s not. So we need more time”

The PM has asked voters to just ‘ride out’ this inflation rise next week, and then he’ll have another crack at it doing some good economying.

“But yeah, you gotta vote for us if you wanna see how strong this economy is gonna get”

“So during this imminent war with China that I want you to worry about, we’ll start to see the results”

“As anyone knows, the economy is at it’s strongest when we decide to go to war with our biggest trading partner”

“If China wants war, they can have it. But they should know, they will only be helping our economy”

Meanwhile, with just three weeks to go until the election, more than six million Australians will now recieve a $250 bribe from the Federal Government to ease the pressure of the rising cost of living, which anyone who hasn’t spent their life working in Parliament House would know does not even cover the cost of a trolley full of groceries in 2022.


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