Scotty From Marketing has today launched a new election strategy, by making fun of his opponent Anthony Albanese’s effort to not die young.

During an appearance on yet another soon to be discontinued TV program that Sky News has allowed Paul Murray to drive into the ground, The Primie Minister declared that the Opposition Leader’s new health kick is proof he doesn’t know who he is.

“I’m not pretending to be anyone else.” I’m still wearing the same sunglasses. Sadly, the same suits. I weigh about the same size and I don’t mind a bit of Italian cuisine”

“I’m not pretending to be anyone else” said Mr Morrison, who has actually spent the last 6 months desperately pretending to be a hairdresser, welder, miner, waiter, builder, a Christian and a Prime Minister.

“And when you’re prime minister, you can’t pretend to be anyone else. You’ve got to know who you are because if you don’t know who you are, then how are other people going to know?”

Mr Morrison also jumped on Mr Albanese’s recent attempts to compare himself to former Labor leader Bob Hawke and other popular prime ministers.

“You can’t all of a sudden turn up at an election and say, ‘Oh, I’m not that person I was for 20 years or 30 years’ and all of a sudden pretend you’re everybody from John Howard, Bob Hawke or Kevin Rudd” said the proud Cronulla Sharks fan who relocated from the Eastern Suburbs to the Sutherlands Shire just a year before making his move into politics.

Albanese has been open about how a life-or-death car accident has spurred him into a new fitness regime that has seen him lose 18 kilograms and dramatically update his wardrobe.

However, according to Scotty and Paul ‘Aldi Alan Jones’ Murray, this kind of discipline and forward-thinking is a sign of weakness – and not the qualities you want in a leader.

The two men, who a both in worse nick than any former Australian cricketers, giggled as they sneered at Albanese’s fairly standard middle-aged fitness kick.

Unfortunately, the cheap shots appear to have missed the mark with voters, considering the fact that every single Aussie bloke is currently living in a state of fear that their hearts could just stop beating one day – as was the case with a number cult sporting heroes over the last fortnight.


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