Aside from taking to Twitter to vilify the World tennis Number 1 over a clerical error involving his visa at Melbourne airport, after begging the Victorian government to let him to the country all year, Scotty From Marketing has also had some news announce regarding the nation’s drastic shortage of Rapid Antigen Tests.

You may have missed this if your daily news intake was completely dominated by Usman Khawaja’s glorious redemption on day two of the Sydney test, after 3 years playing for Queensland, where he clocked his 9th test century, the first to be witnessed by his young daughter.

But perhaps maybe that’s what the Prime Minister wanted you to be focusing on today, rather than his highly convoluted plan to provide RATs to pensioners.

Without upsetting Gerry Harvey, or any of the other billionaire retail magnates that donate generously to the Liberal Party, The PM has found something to announce that sounds like universal healthcare.

Premiers and chief ministers met with Mr Morrison on Wednesday to discuss the testing problems that have plagued Australia since Omicron cases began to soar, which was around the same time Australia realised that our prime Minister had failed to order enough tests or boosters jabs.

Despite his best efforts to blame the states for the fact that he wants Australians to pay with their own money for the basic healthcare that they already pay for with their taxes, Scotty’s blame-shifting has been undermined by the Queensland government doing his job for him and providing RATs on a state level.

A range of measures were agreed to at the national cabinet meeting, namely that rapid antigen tests will be made free to concession card holders over a three-month period, with these people able to collect up to 10 kits from pharmacies.

“Universal free access to tests was not agreed to by any of the states and territories today,” Mr Morrison said, again, trying to put this on the Premiers, like he did during the bushfires, and every wave of the pandemic since then.

“But… I’m in a good mood”

“So here’s the plan”

“Okay. Poor people are allowed up to ten free RATS, but no more than one a week, only from selected pharmacies, only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You must present a concession card and apply through a highly complicated online portal”

“No Catholics or Blacks”

“We were originally going to say no women but then I remembered that Jenny does the shopping in my house haha”


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