As day five of the Extinction Rebellion continues to further delay the already laughably congested Brisbane CBD, Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk is today taking her newfound brand of Bjelkism politics to a new level.

Yesterday it was reported that Palaszczuk and her Deputy Jackie Trad had consulted the ghost Sir Joh for advice on how to deal with these pesky activists currently shutting down Brisbane city with their protests against the QLD Labor Party’s sexual fetishisation of the coal industry, and their disregard for the ailing health of the Great Barrier Reef, and the 90% of the Earth’s sea life that call it home.

After only getting so for by making up far-fetched scenarios where someone “might get hurt” by a bunch of grandmothers and uni students staging blockades in the CBD – Palaszczuk asked the ghost of Sir what her logical next step is.

It seems that fast-tracking 1980s-era anti-loitering laws to arrest protestors, wasn’t enough. The Premier needs to take things further.

The Ghost of Sir Johannes Bjelke-Petersen initially suggested ‘making a few of the protestors disappear’ – but it has become clear that Palaszczuk won’t be able to do that without a bit of intelligence.

Its for this reason she has come together with the Queensland Police to form a ‘Special Branch’ – capable of tapping phones of protestors and tracking their wherabouts – before inevitably hiring organised crime figures to make them disappear, Sir-Joh-style.

But she’s not stopping with the environmentalists. At the suggestion of her ghostly mentor, Palaszczuk is also keeping an eye on those blacks in the park.

“They are getting a bit cocky” the Ghost Of Sir Joh whispered to her.

“We need to find out their names, addresses and family members. Arrest them and place them under bail conditions that prevent them from going back home”

“They’ll fuck off to Redfern and that’s the last you’ll hear of them”

When Palaszczuk asked if this might be a severe violation of human rights and whether or not it’s worth just focusing on punishing one group of civil dissidents at a time, Sir Joh responded by telling the Premier that the Special Branch cops can do whatever she wants.

“They’ll even accuse people of being communists and they’ll take em behind the old Parmalat site and bash them” he said.

“Don’t you worry about that”


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