A local 17-year-old has shown great responsibility today, by driving sideway over a suburban speed bump, in a cautious effort to not scratch the Duraflex Evo 84 piece bodykit on his 2004 model Mitsubishi Lancer.

Witnesses say they were shocked to see part-time Woolworths shelf-stacker, Edward Alcock, taking such great care of the vehicle he paid $3500 for last month after finally passing his driving test.

Although the high schooler’s modified Japanese-made sedan sounds like it is hardly street legal, Edward assures us that if he were to get pulled over tomorrow, the cops wouldn’t be able to do a thing.

“The Evo-Kit isn’t stock, but it’s legal” he says, leaning the front of his bonnet.

“It’s as low as you can go legally”

According to Edward, the official metric for whether or not a lowered vehicle meets road standards is if a packet of JP Special cigarettes can fit underneath it.

“Cops might pull me up for the noise. But that’s harder to prove” he says, before while chewing gum loudly and smirking.

Edward’s younger neighbour, a middle school student by the name of Luke says it’s really cool how Edward drives over speed bumps as though he is in a Lambhorgini.

“He drives me to school in the Lancer.” says Luke.

“He’s gotta be careful that he doesn’t scratch the Evo 8 front bumper cover or the Walker side skirts rocker panels when going over speed bumps”

“Especially the speed bump at the school car park. He reckons that one is way higher”




  1. If a coke can will fit under the car then it is road legal which is 100ml not a packet of cigarettes which a 17 year shouldnt be using a measurement cause he is under age to be touching them anyway


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