CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Coronavirus pandemic may be causing a postponement of Coachella, SXSW, The Geneva Motor show and a shitload of Trump’s pre-election rallies, but God’s Winter Games is refusing to budge on the new outbreak.
After a relatively quiet off-season, and a very loud political correctness debate surrounding the appearance of people that aren’t white men in the official promo video, Round 1 of the 2020 NRL premiership is kicking off at 8:05pm on Thursday night.
LISTEN BELOW TO OUR ANNUAL NRL OFF-SEASON SCANDAL COUNT DOWN (Featuring Hello Sport)
And they are doing fuck all about Coronavirus.
With hundreds of thousands of fans expected to turn out for this weekend’s opening fixtures, including a Queensland derby between The Cowboys and Broncos at the new Townsville stadium, the NRL has said they might offer a bit of hand sanitiser at the gates – but that’s about it.
“Not at all phased’ said a spokesperson for the NRL, who is a prominent ex-player but told us not to use his name or picture because he’s currently having an affair with an Irish bartender who thinks he’s a car salesman.
“If our fanbase can survive last year’s Whatsapp-fuelled off-season scandals… Then I don’t think this measly bat flu is going to do shit”
“We actually don’t give a fuck.”
“We’ve got like 6 players facing over 12 years in prison for the type of crimes that get you over 12 years in prison. We’ve got these concussion scientists breathing down our necks, we’ve got the right-wing Australian media accusing us of being box-ticking leftie elites because we featured an Aboriginal flag in our new video promo…”
“We’ve got at least three clubs that are no longer financially viable and ex-players talking absolute shit on air to help boost their profiles. We’ve got a lot going on. A fuck load going on. Including the potentially damaging extra-marital affair I’m currently engaging in.”
“So yeah, Coronavirus can go and get fucked. We’ll take our chances.”
The spokesman then made our reporters promise once again that they wouldn’t use his name or photo, or else face physical repercussions, before telling us to go and get fucked as well.
MORE TO COME.
