CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In letter obtained by the ABC today, it can be revealed that former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has had to intervene to help Scott Morrison correctly fill an esky on the lawns of Kirribilli House house last night.
This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of the Prime Minister of Australia, in an effort to help mentor Scott Morrison in his duties as the leader of Australia.
Rudd’s decision to step out of retirement to return to unofficial duties as an Australian statesmen appears be one he was forced into in early June – after he was approached by senior business figures who begged him to take over the negotiations with multinational pharmaceutical suppliers in an effort to accelerate our nation’s bungled jab roll-out.
Mr Rudd reluctantly agreed to offer his help as a private citizen, and did in fact pick up the phone to the American-based executives who had grown of dealing with ‘junior bureaucrats” from Scott Morrison’s office.
The Federal Government has since insisted Kevin Rudd played NO PART in the contractual negotiations that secured the new supplies of jabs, and took great pleasure in smugly contradicting a claim no one had made.
After using his influence to get the Federal Health Minister Greg Hunt on the phone to the right people, Kevin Rudd has since moved back into Kirribilli House, where he is now playing the role of grandfather for a nation who’s flakey dad has skipped town after heading out to the shops to buy some smokes.
Yesterday The Betoota Advocate broke the story of Kevin Rudd volunteering to mow the the lawn at Kirribilli House, after Jenny Morrison grew tired of nagging her husband to sort the yard out for months.
However, it was in the hours after sculpting the Prime Minster’s lawn that Kevin Rudd truly began to alpha Scotty From Marketing.
“No no no no no! what are you doing Scotty??” asked Grampa Kev, as he watched the current Prime Minister attempting to stack an esky with a rock solid bag of servo ice, ahead of the State Of Origin Game III.
Kevin Rudd made his way over to the esky to relieve Scotty of his bungled efforts, as the entire Morrison family watched on in awe.
“Let me show ya a little trick” said Grampa Kev, as he lifted the bag of ice above his head, before violently throwing it as hard as he could at the marble back steps of Kirribilli House.
“Now this is the trick to breaking up the ice”
Morrison has since shared photos on social media of his perfectly arranged pesky full of weird mid-strength Tasmanian lager — leaving out any role Rudd played.
“Lets go the NSW Blueys!!!” Scotty wrote in the caption.
“I’ve loaded up on Latrell Michaels down as first try scorer! How are you celebrating Origin?”