With a 20-week-old at home and the crushing weight of the first real responsibilities he’s ever experienced, local printer salesman Tyler Burston (38) has arrived at the pub this arvo with an immovable timeline.

Refusing to let his very recent pivot into fatherhood derail his weekly ritual of a few glass canoes, the new dad has today made it clear to his group chat that things will be starting at 4:45 if you can get an early mark.

And there will be no pussy footing around. Certainly no perusing the menu for snacks. It will be hard and it will be fast, but it will be joyful.

It is not yet known if Tyler has informed in wife of his plans, but given his decision to travel on public transport today, he has easily afforded himself of a 45 minute window. The idea to begin 15 minutes before close-of-business is a masterstroke.

The unwritten memo, however, is that only five minutes of this Friday afternoon soiree will be dedicated to the recently discovered trials and tribulations of parenting. If only one of the boys is there for that, then so be it, they won’t be going through it twice.

After arriving at the reserved table for kick-off, Tyler is now putting on clinic on how to delete schooners.

The 45-minute window is going to be very wet, with not even the fiercest indigestion or hiccups slowing the pace.

His mates, whose responsibilities range from bachelordom to childcare, are privileged and honoured to witness something that can’t even be described as ‘Tyler’s finest hour’.

However, as is always the case with the baby daddy swill, his drinking partners have not considered the state that Tyler will be leaving them in when he boards in 5:38 bus back to the suburbs.

What was supposed to be a lengthy Friday afternoon session, has now resulted in the boys dropping like flies, after they all made the very poor decision to match him beer for beer across nine shouts in 45 minutes.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here