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A Melbourne man has today been forced to confront the harsh reality that, despite his carefully curated workwear aesthetic, he is absolutely useless in any practical capacity.
James (29), a Fitzroy resident and self-described “creative,” was spotted at a local café sporting $180 Carhartt denim overalls —an item originally designed for men who spend their days building things, rather than carefully curating ‘cultural spaces’
“I just love the rugged, timeless look,” said James, whose only experience with manual labour is carrying tote bags full of imported craft beer.
Despite looking like he should be operating heavy machinery, sources confirm that James panicked when asked to help move a table, citing a “bad back” and a “pretty full-on weekend.”
He was later seen struggling to open a jar of chilli oil, before handing it off to the nearest barista.
“He doesn’t even own a toolbox,” sighed housemate Ben, an only slightly less useless creative.
“Last week, he called a TaskRabbit to hang a poster.”
At the time of writing, James was spotted eyeing off a pair of Blundstones—blissfully unaware they will never see a worksite.
Despite his best efforts to embody the rugged blue-collar aesthetic, James remains firmly in the realm of soft-cockery, oat-latte-drinking urbanites.
Yes, even at the time of writing, James was last seen in a vintage store contemplating a $300 Carhartt vest—blissfully unaware that the closest he’ll ever get to a construction site is watching Grand Designs.
More to come.
